oh brother i

I quit smoking. The unfinished pack is thrown out the window. I can do this, I tell myself over and over again.

On my way to the cafeteria, I see that girl with the eyebrow piercing. I don’t remember her name but her face instantly triggers an emotional response. We’re walking in opposite directions. There are forces driving us apart. I’m famished and she probably has more pressing concerns than talking to me. But as our paths cross, I sense a smile on her face even though I look away and keep going with out breaking my stride.  I want to stop but my stomach won’t let me.

            Food in the cafeteria is just below the quality fed to people serving life sentences in a penitentiary. Worse, it barely qualifies as sustenance. The laxatives they mix into everything don’t let anything linger long enough for nutrition.

Tonight for dinner, we have flat circles of meat, which reminds me of cheap hamburgers, but is being passed off as steak. They are yesterday’s meatloaf and tomorrow’s Sloppy Joe. The mashed potatoes have strange gray chunks in them. There’s always something hard in the food that you bite into while chewing.

            All the beverages taste like water. All the food smells like gas.

            I sit alone at dinner, not making eye contact with anyone as they walk by. My meat circle is crunchy. I think I chip a tooth in the process.

            I leave and discover rain, outside.

            Open a bottle of whisky in my room. Wait for the night to unfold.

            Kathy calls me some time after I get back from dinner. She says she’s got a bottle of liquor and some time to kill. I tell her that it sounds like a plan. A bad plan, but a plan, nonetheless.